All That I'm Living For
by MidnightRose98
Summary: Songfic/oneshot  Based after Elena dies in the tomb as a vampire.  It turned out a bit more morbid than intended.


_AN: Alrighty, this is just a oneshot. It is a songfic, so make sure you listen to All That I'm Living For by Evanescence before reading this! It's an awesome song :P_

_Disclaimer: Characters belong to L.J. Smith, song belongs to Evanescence._

_This takes place after Elena dies in the tomb as a vampire. It is all about my favorite vampire, Damon. Italics are the song lyrics. Well, except for right now! :)_

_All that I'm living for  
All that I'm dying for  
All that I can't ignore  
Alone at night_

Damon's heart was still bleeding. Elena had died. As a vampire. She wasn't going to come back this time. She and Katherine had died only two weeks ago, both by sunlight. Right now, it was nighttime. Elena had been all that he lived for. Katherine had used him and he had been obsessed with her, but Elena had shown him what love was. After she died, Damon left to go back to Italy. St. Stefan had followed, but was out right now. Damon would have gladly died if it meant Elena would have survived. Now, he was alone and he couldn't help but think of Elena.

_I can feel the night beginning  
Separate me from the living  
Understanding me  
After all I've seen_

Damon's refuge had always been the night. He felt comfortable and at home in the dark hours of the day. It understood him, and let him be as evil and regretless as he wanted. It accepted him after everything he had seen in the past five hundred years.

_Piecing every thought together  
Find the words to make me better  
If I only knew  
How to pull myself apart?_

Elena had always figured him out. He tried to remain cold and aloof to her, but she always knew. She also had known the words that would make him a less evil creature. She had saved him after everything that he had done to her. He certainly knew how to pull himself apart with guilt even though he would never let anyone know.

_All that I'm living for  
All that I'm dying for  
All that I can't ignore  
Alone at night_

_All that I'm wanted for  
Although I wanted more  
Lock the last open door  
My ghosts are gaining on me_

Elena had wanted him. He had always known it. But she hadn't wanted the person he acted like; she had wanted the real him. The true him that he had always suppressed. That him was weak, and caring. He had wanted more time with Elena. A lot more time. Hell, she had just been made a vampire. She should have had eternity, not thirteen short days! With both her and Katherine's deaths, his past had basically been locked up with a solid, steel door in his mind. His ghosts from the past were gone. They had been present, but now they were gone.

_I believe that dreams are sacred  
Take my darkest fears and play them  
Like a lullaby  
Like a reason why_

_Like a play of my obsessions  
Make me understand the lesson  
So I'll find myself  
So I won't be lost again_

Damon believed that dreams really were a way of your subconscious mind speaking to you. They showed your darkest fears, desires, and hopes. All of his nightmares had happened to him. Katherine not loving him, but instead choosing Stefan. Elena choosing Stefan. Elena dying. Katherine dying. His mind kept replaying what had happened in the tomb every time he closed his eyes. He didn't know why his mind tortured him so.

_All that I'm living for  
All that I'm dying for  
All that I can't ignore  
Alone at night_

_All that I'm wanted for  
Although I wanted more  
Lock the last open door  
My ghosts are gaining on me_

Meeting Elena, falling in love with her, and then watching her die had changed Damon. She had made him think about his actions and impulses before acting on them. Due to her, he was seriously depressed. And he loved every second of it. Elena had wanted him to stop being the monster. He had stopped killing people, and actually regretted some of his actions. He had kept the door locked in his mind that allowed him to feel guilt. It had been shut and dead-bolted for hundreds of years. But now he wanted more out of his immortal life. He didn't want to just kill people mindlessly, like a bad horror movie. The opening of this kind, loving door in his mind let his ghosts through. They were haunting him.

_Guess I thought I'd have to change the world  
To make you see me  
To be the one I could have run forever  
But how for would I have come  
Without mourning your love?_

Damon had taken drastic measures to get Elena to notice him when he was alive. He had entered her mind, taken her blood, threatened her family, and tried to seduce her. Now, he mourned her. Her care, maybe love, for him had died with her. Damon knew that they were supposed to have each other to run to, but Katherine had changed it all. If she had died in Italy all those years ago, Elena would be alive.

_All that I'm living for  
All that I'm dying for  
All that I can't ignore  
Alone at night_

_All that I'm wanted for  
Although I wanted more  
Lock the last open door  
My ghosts are gaining on me_

_Should it hurt to love you?  
Should I feel like I do?  
Should I lock the last open door  
My ghosts are gaining on me_

God, it hurt to think about Elena. But when he didn't have a blonde haired, blue eyed girl to feed on or Stefan to annoy him, his thoughts always returned to Elena. It hurt to love her. But he did. He didn't know if he was grieving properly or not. He had never mourned for someone before. Damon thought about locking up all of his emotions again. He didn't know if he should. His Princess of Darkness, his salvation, his everything good, was dead.

_AN: So I know it was kinda sad, but I really like that song and it seemed fitting! Please review!_


End file.
